The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really close to and discover this info here bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there recommended you read or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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